Ever since my videos with HealthiNation won an Emmy, the traffic to my blog has skyrocketed. It’s wonderful but man, I never intended for things to get this big! When this was just one blog out of kajillions, I felt more freedom and anonymity. And now everyone knows me as “that girl with depression.”
When I started writing here, I chose to blog about two things: Art and Depression. I felt like art had saved me from depression. I wanted to write about the balance between the two.
When HealthiNation did my videos, they touched on my art a little but they actually cut 90% of my art out of the end product because they wanted just to talk about depression.
Since then I am getting constant requests from people who want my advice on their mental health. I’ve had to take down my “hire me” page so that it’s harder for people to reach me. I’ve stopped reading comments because they are so triggering. People find my blog and barely read it and then tell me all about their suicide attempts.
I’m getting hounded via my Etsy shop; some people even find out a way to text me through gmail somehow. I can’t take it! I can’t fix anyone. I’m not a therapist, I don’t have training to counsel anyone. I have my own mental health struggles to cope with, and in the past year, physical health problems have been taking over my life on top of it all.
Although my migraines are very complicated, they’ve only been this bad (as in several ER visits a month) since the HealthiNation videos came out. I am so stressed.
This blog is mine, I own it, so I can turn things around. I don’t want to stop blogging, but I feel like it’s hard to continue with this much exposure. With so few people respecting the boundaries I set.
I’ve toyed with the idea of making this blog “The Art of Living” instead of “The Art of Living With Depression.” It’s always been about more than depression. It’s been about living life with its ups and downs. It’s about survival and hope and endurance and even fun, sometimes.
My dedicated readers know the real story of this blog. Not all of the new readers understand. I don’t know what to do.
My biggest problem at the moment is that it really hurts my head to be on the computer. I could totally handle changing this blog, editing what information about me is on here, adding a merchandise shop so that people could support me beyond paypal donations or having to leave to visit my Etsy shop. Even introducing a few appropriate advertising spots would give me a bit of an income which would totally help my stress levels and perhaps my migraines. Yet I can’t look at this screen for more than ten minutes at a time. My head hurts too much.
This is why I’ve been so quiet. I miss you so much. I miss what this blog used to be. I want to save it. I want to change it. I want to grow with it and keep connected.
I am just so overwhelmed. So this is why I’ve been quiet.
I’m trying some new migraine treatments which are supposed to help me a lot soon. Maybe that will help me enough so that I can be on the computer longer and figure this mess out.
I miss you. I miss Daisies and Bruises.
I’ll stay in touch the best I can. If I can’t continue to write as often as I would like to, I’m going to try to pick up my zinester role a bit more so that we can continue this healing journey through writing that doesn’t make my head explode. Plain paper is much easier on my eyes.
Life is so unpredictable. Wouldn’t you agree?
Thank you for sticking with me. Here’s to hoping for improvement for all of us. Give yourself a hug for me. I’ll keep you updated.