Thank You!

zineordersIn my last blog post I wrote about being desperately broke yet needing money to renew our domain name, remove ads from the site, and then pay off my zine photocopy expenses. I spoke of saving up for a laptop with any extra money so that I can write blog posts on the go.

I was so shocked by your support and generosity that I cried. I made enough money in 24 hours to pay for our website expenses and pay off the money I put on my Visa card for the zine copies. Some of you ordered zines and pins and some of you just gave me straight donations, the highest being $200 US.

In light of everything I’ve been going through lately, your response to my needs is no small thing. I feel flattered and honoured. I can only hope to continue to move you with my words in such a way that you feel valued in return.

I don’t write to make money, though I would like to make my living as a writer. Writing is much more valuable to me than money. I write to make life more bearable for both me and my readers. I write to share my experiences with mental illness so that you can feel some comfort and encouragement on your similar path to wellness.

So I’m not going to blog frequently about needing money because that need is constant in my life and in yours. But I am someone who keeps her word, so each and every dollar you help out with through purchasing items in my Etsy shop or through donation (my PayPal address is the_torn_skirt@hotmail.com) will go towards buying a laptop, so I can write more for you in turn. I’ll let you know when I have new zines in my Etsy shop and keep you updated on my “work life” of being a writer.

I just wanted to write a quick post to say THANK YOU! *HUGS*

Back to our mental health postings later this week!

♥ Erin

Art Month Update

bookshelfcrop2Art month is going well! My mission to escape this dark cloud I’m under by doing things that normally make me feel good is working. I chose to do art to help me feel better, even though I’ve been too depressed to be interested it in it lately.  The idea of picking up a drawing pencil or some collage papers was too daunting so I started by decorating my surroundings a little.

I started by covering one of my drawer units with tape and stickers. The first ten minutes of this were a pain to get through and I wanted to give up, but I kept going and soon I did start to get into it. I did actually start to feel something good.

Before I go on to describe more of my artsy adventures of this month, I want you to think about an activity that you usually enjoy. If you’re too depressed to think of anything that interests you, think about your favourite subjects in school or what makes you smile in the day. Pick one of those things and try to do it this week. Do some art, watch a movie, eat some candy, whatever. Do you feel better after doing that activity? If so, do it more. If not, try something else! Everyone has interests and passions. EVERYONE. And those of us with depression have to work extra hard to feel anything positive at all. It sucks, but we can work with it so we don’t feel like we’re drowning alone. If you’re still stuck with figuring out what you like, leave a comment and we will help you out!

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Construction Over Destruction!

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Negative expression is on a rampage this week in North America and while it can get overwhelming and fill us with despair, we need to fight it by sharing good things as fast as we can. No, art doesn’t express as fast and as deadly as a bullet. It’s more like a flower. It grows and encourages growth around it instead of communicating death and destruction.

At the rate that bad things are happening in the world, we need to step up. There can never be too much goodness in the world and we NEED it to help us cope with the badness.

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Music Monday: Amanda Fucking Palmer!

For those of you who know me in ‘real life’ or happen to live in my building (or my neighbourhood I’ve been rocking out so hard), you know that I am COMPLETELY in love with the new Amanda Palmer album, Theatre is Evil. So this Monday post is clearly dedicated to music.

I was a fan of The Dresden Dolls before Amanda branched out on her own in 2008 with Who Killed Amanda Palmer. That album reached me like both a security blanket and a giant statement of flaunting your fuckedupness (yes, I’m making up words now):

My friend has problems with winter and autumn.
They give him prescriptions and shine bright lights on him.
They say it’s genetic, they say he can’t help it, they say you can catch it – but sometimes you’re born with it.
~ Runs in the Family

The track I sung along loudest to was The Point of it All:

She spends a few days at a time on the couch but she says
She wears shades, she wears shades…

And just ’cause they call themselves experts
It doesn’t mean sweet fuck all…

And Another Year gave me comfort about the standstill my life was in. Amanda Palmer got it.

Gradually her lyrics became more positive until she grew into the fabulous flourishing star who I’m dying to be best friends with. Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under was my anthem ever since it was released in 2011. The track In My Mind is pure self-esteem boosting lyrics of love.

This past May, Amanda Palmer announced a Kickstarter project to offset the costs of her recently recorded album and upcoming world tour. The original goal of $100, 000 turned into a profit of $1.1 million dollars.

“I think kickstarter and other crowdfunding platforms like this are the BEST way to put out music right now – no label, no rules, no fuss, no muss. Just us, the music, and the art,” Amanda writes on the Kickstarter page. WE ARE THE MEDIA is one of her sayings.

She’s giving away her new album for free, but I paid for mine to support her amazing self and her amazing cause. And oh yeah, she’s married to Neil Gaiman. Is there a better duo in the whole fucking world?

So before I share a bunch of her videos under the cut, read some of these lyrics from Lost:

No one’s ever lost forever
When they die they go away
But they will visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid
No one’s ever lost forever
They are caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are

We can do the same with mental illness. Integrate it into our lives until it makes us who we’ve grown to be in wellness. So click “more” to watch some Amanda Palmer videos. I’m off to go buy a ukulele now!

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Live and Learn

 

“Live and learn” is a common enough phrase, but how often do we inspect it? The phrase is often paired with “experience,” that dreaded word we use when we’re trying to put a positive spin on a mistake. This past week has taught me that we can live and learn in good ways, too, believe it or not.

The feedback you gave me on my last two posts have put me in a better head space. After reviewing the faux documentary A Necessary Death as an extremely triggering film, some readers expressed interest in seeing the movie after reading my blog post. Alarmed, I considered removing my post, but first I asked you for advice. You awesome readers told me that what triggers me may not necessarily trigger other people and that some people might actually benefit from watching the movie since everyone is different. I realized that I’d been feeling overprotective of my readers and learned to let go a bit.

I also had a new living and learning experience today when I flipped back in my journal to find that my car crash was exactly one year ago today. Honestly, it feels like it happened over a year ago because of all the changes it brought forth.

After walking and taking the bus everywhere for a month as I adjusted to my car-free life, I decided to move closer to downtown. BEST DECISION EVER! The apartment I found is perfect for me and now I can say that not only do I love the building I’m in, I’ve made so many new friends as a result of making this place my home. Two out of the four tenants in my house have pugs. Not just dogs, PUGS. My third neighbour loves dogs and loves crafts and is the nicest and funnest person I’ve met in a long time. Within a month or two of moving here, I got my own puppy who turned into a further catalyst, propelling me to meet tons of other people in my new neighbourhood.

I can’t believe how much my life has improved as a result of my car accident. Of course, I hate having lost my car, but really, I think it was worth it. Instead of driving everywhere, now I walk or ride my bike, experiencing my city at a whole new level. Errands take me longer than they used to but now I feel less rushed and stressed by going at a slower pace. I have new friends that sneaked into my life in the most subtle of ways, making a profound impact over time.

There’s some proof for both you and I that the “bad” changes we experience — those events that are out of our control — can invite really good changes into our lives. Like I’ve said before, change is good, whether or not it feels good at the time. So now, a year older, I can recognize that living and learning doesn’t always have to mean something negative. By living, I’m learning that life is full of surprises and it is possible for those surprises to be good.

If we stick around long enough, we will see that even the bad changes over to good eventually. It might not always, but it does happen, and those good things make the bad easier to live with.

How has your life changed in the past year? Did any good come out of the bad?

Making This Summer Count

With school out and this being a long weekend here in Canada, summer has truly arrived! Yay!

The past few summers have flown by for me. It’s like I have this idea that summer fun will find me on its own, but before I know it the leaves are changing colour again and I’m shocked.

So this summer is going to be different because I’m going to make it different. Having depression means that it’s harder for me to have fun than it is for other people, but I believe if I plan it out I can make it happen.

During these last days of June I’ve been writing a mini list of things to start doing for July. It’s great to start fresh at the beginning of a new month. If I start now, maybe my life won’t feel as shaken up when my therapist goes on vacation halfway through the month.

Summer in my life has always meant being outdoors, even when it feels “too hot.” As a kid I would cool down in summer by swimming, eating popsicles, and hanging out in the shade. So this summer, I’m going to try to spend at least an hour outside every day.

I do already spend an hour outside every day but it’s spent walking from one place to the next, stressing about life and not taking in the weather. So, to be more specific I’m going to say that I need to spend an hour outside every day with my butt parked in the grass or on my bicycle for a leisurely ride. The breeze generated by flying downhill on my bike does wonders to cool me off, too!

A simple way of making summer last longer is to not sleep in so late. I have a bad habit of making my days “easier” by being awake for less hours than most people, but it really isn’t a healthy thing for me to do. Plus, it’s cooler outside in the mornings, so I can reach my goal of spending more time outdoors if I get up earlier.

I usually feel good about my day if I get some writing done, whether it’s a blog post entry or writing in my journal or writing snail mail, so I’m going to try to work that into my days as well this month.

These things don’t sound too hard but on my bad days I know I’m going to say “Screw it” so easily. I’m thinking of pairing these goals together with other things I enjoy doing. Like I could get a drink at Starbucks before sitting outside for an hour, to make it feel like even more of a treat, at least until I get into the swing of things.

What about you? What makes a good summer in your life?

Do you have any tips on how to combat the days where we all want to say, “Screw it” and pull the covers over our heads?

Share your answers in the comments, maybe we can find a way to outsmart our excuses and let the sun shine in.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to us!! To Daisiesandbruises.com. Woo! One year old.

And as promised, my blog layout is updated with many new features including an updated photo, a sidebar that’s much more fun, and a drop down menu at the top of the page. I’m actually going to be tinkering with things for a bit still, so it’s not written in stone, but that’s the internet for you. Some of the new features:

My Art, hosting pages on my visual art and my poetry.

Inspirations, featuring a list of books and a page of quotes that will be updated frequently.

In the past year I was invited to speak at a few events after readers came across my blog, so there’s now a Hire Me page to answer some of the questions surrounding that stuff. On the same page, if you scroll down, you’ll find testimonials from my awesome readers, a list I visit frequently since behind the scenes I get cold feet and worry that my words have no impact. You have convinced me of my worth.

In the next week or so I will be adding some advertising banners for you to put on your own site if you feel inclined, as well as that “ask me” box that I’ve mentioned wanting to do before. I want readers to be able to ask me questions anonymously to feel safe and secure and heard all at once.

And we now have a Facebook page! Follow along there to be notified of posts, snag some freebies and further inspiration.

So, here’s to sharing more of myself with you, risking stalkers and spammers and the like. If I can’t always share myself face-to-face in this world, the least I can do is have a presence online. Baby steps.

Anyway, I’m super excited to share this with you. Can you tell?! You know I’m not usually this happy. I only have you to thank!!

Cheers to entering the second year of daisiesandbruses.com. We’re in this together.

100 Feelings

On the 100th day of school in Grade One we had to bring in 100 items of our choosing. I brought 100 pieces of popcorn. I don’t know if I ate the popcorn after, but probably not because everyone touched it while counting.

This is my 100th post. Yay! I would never  have guessed that I’d written that many but WordPress counts these things.

I’m trying to make a habit of relishing the good things because there aren’t nearly enough of them in life. So 100 posts is pretty cool. And in just under a month’s time, Daisies and Bruises is going to reach its first year anniversary.

I have about 100 feelings right now. Pride, excitement, joy, anticipation, and satisfaction. Then I have my normal feelings of anxiety and depression, caution and fear.

I feel a bit wiser than when I started this blog, too.  I’ve noticed some patterns in my writing habits, like how I tend to stop writing for a bit after I write a post I’m proud of writing. At first I tell myself that I want to make sure everyone reads that post before I continue, but then I start telling myself that I can’t write another post as good as the one before. Then I tell myself that post wasn’t that good to begin with. Then I start beating myself up for writing a new post. Then I just avoid writing, period. It can be fucking exhausting, being me.

Anyway, the countdown is on to the first-year-anniversary of Daisies and Bruises on June 16th. I’m super excited because this blog is going to grow in some exciting ways. Stay tuned!

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