I’ve spent the last 24 hours in solitude, quietly experiencing the closing of 2012 and reflecting on what the year has meant to me. With the opening of 2013, I feel somber but strong.
I almost didn’t make it through 2012. Two days after my Depression Cake post I ended up in the hospital because I was close to committing suicide. I didn’t want to go to the hospital but I recognized my need and reached out for help. The hospital staff supported me and helped me to stabilize. After a few days of rest and lots of reflection, I returned home and picked up where I’d left off, but this time from a stronger place.
Since then I put my Etsy Shop on vacation so I could focus on taking care of me. I’ve been self-nurturing through doing art and keeping my small, basic routine. My blog and Digby have kept me going. So have my friends.
The best part of 2012 was visiting my friend Cassy in Salem, Massachusetts. I love her so so much and visiting her was completely magical. Through making that trip happen, I learned that I can experience truly awesome things in my life if I work for it. There are so many places for me to see and people for me to spend time with. There is so much to live for.
Life is both daisies and bruises. It is the hope generated by visiting a best friend in a different country; it is the pain ignited by speaking out against my abuser for the first time. Life is beautiful and life hurts.
Last night I saw a raccoon hiding from me and Digby in the bare magnolia tree next door. It saddened me that she was up there, scared and alone in a tree with no shelter. I quickly returned inside so she would feel safe enough to come down.
She and I have the same New Year’s Resolution: survival. I have many wishes and goals for 2013, but my only solid resolution is to get through it alive.
I look out my window and it’s snowing like it does in movies. As if a shaken snow globe shaken is finally finding balance again after being set down, the little flakes settling into their beds.
There is hope for the future and comfort during bad weather. I think the 12 Days of Christmas are over now, but I feel like posting again in the next couple of days. You help me hang on, and I hope I do the same for you. ♥
p.s. If you’re curious, here’s my blog stats for 2012. Thank YOU so much for reading along, and encouraging me in all the ways that you do.