Why Bother?
17 Oct 2011 6 Comments
in Day-to-Day Life Tags: apathy, depression, tips, why bother
Mondays have become a trap for me since I moved a few weeks ago. See, I have no commitments on Mondays and so the day slips away easily. Since I have no obligations I start slipping into the “Why Bother” frame of mind. The longer I stay there the worse my depression gets.
Here’s how it works. I woke up at 9 when my alarm went off and thought to myself, “I have nothing to do today so why not sleep in?” So I did, I slept until 11:00. I told myself I needed the rest and I do since I haven’t had a good sleep since I moved.
When I do get up I realize that my schedule is already off track from sleeping in so there’s no harm in checking my email and watching Adventure Time on my computer for a while before tackling the project I’m working on. From there it’s a series of questions, compromises, and assumptions.
“Why shower if no one is going to see me today?”
“Why clean up my clothes or make my bed if no one ever comes to my apartment?”
“Why would anyone want to come to my apartment if it’s such a mess?”
“Why would anyone want to be my friend since I’m such a mess?”
Soon the one decision of sleeping in has made me give up all of my intentions for the day. The more I mess up my schedule, the worse I feel about myself. The worse I feel about myself, the more I slack off believing I’m not worth the effort anyway.
More
