How to be Your Own Best Friend
04 Jan 2012 1 Comment
in 12 Days of Christmas Tags: freebies, self-esteem, twelve days of christmas
Even though my Twelve Days of Christmas is not over, I’m stopping counting them because it feels too late to even be talking about Christmas anymore. It was last year!
In working on my New Years resolutions, I came up with a picture of who I’d like to be a year from now (rich and famous, anyone?). I broke my goals into baby steps and then had an existential crisis, triggered by the scariest word in the English language: CHANGE
So after I calmed down I made myself look over some of my notes from treatment. In flipping through the self-esteem section of my binder I came across notes on self-talk, which is our inner dialogue to ourselves. For most of us with mental health problems, we beat ourselves up terribly.
I realized just how bad my self-talk has become in the past few months, contributing to my already low self-esteem, snowballing into worsening depression. So along with my medication change, I figured that reviewing some of my notes on self-talk would be helpful.
Everyone knows that self-esteem is important but most people don’t seem to know what poor self-esteem does to someone’s life. It pretty much stops it. It makes you stuck and it keeps you stuck. It keeps you from becoming the person you want to be because you are too ashamed to even begin to change. You keep the world at arm’s length because you’re afraid of letting anyone come too close and see what a failure you are. Change becomes impossible.
Based on my treatment notes, I made a list of ways to be my own best friend. Yes, it sounds lame, but it WORKS. Honestly, anyone who is happy is their own friend. Here’s the list! I made it pretty so I’d be happy to see it on my wall in my style and my handwriting. Here’s a preview below, but be sure to download the full 8.5 x 11 JPEG here. (The link will expire in a week or so! Comment if you want it re-uploaded or know how to do this an easier way)
So keep those tips in mind when you try to fulfill your goals for 2012. I’m going to share my resolutions with you soon to keep myself accountable! And healthy lifestyle tips are next. :)
Enjoy!
<3 Erin
Twelve Days of Christmas: Links of Love!
01 Jan 2012 1 Comment
in Fun Tags: fun, links, the life of erin, twelve days of christmas
Thankfully, the internet is full of fascinating things to help celebrate the new year, and as part of this special week I give you some great links to start 2012 off right.
Let’s warm up with C‘s ! A goose with custom sandals. You’ve been warned.
Writing Your Own Personal 2012 Manifesto, with a printable pdf starter here.
Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project posted a great blog on questions to ask yourself while making resolutions.
Laura of Bugs and Fishes talks about the success of her 2011 resolution to get rid of one possession every day. I might try to copy her for 2012!
I LOVE My Owl Barn and once again this year they have a free, printable, and customizable art owl calendar for 2012. I did one for 2011 and enjoyed it for the entire year. I am so glad it’s up for 2012!!
If you’d rather support an Etsy artist for your calendar, Print and Pattern posted awesome 2012 calendar designs found on Etsy.
Milo (shown above) wants to make sure you all follow his twitter since Digby is stealing the limelight so much these days. I helped Milo set it up but it’s all him now!
And lastly, if you’ve ever wanted to get to know me better OR find my stash of insane internet inspired goodness, ! It’s like tumblr but better because you can categorize your stuff by boards and follow only what interests you most. Let me know if you want an invite or if you already have one yourself – I’d love to check it out!
“Celebrate New Year’s when you want to, and as often as you choose. They’re your resolutions, not ours.”
~ Seth Godin
“Before you embark on any path ask the question, does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it and then you must choose another path.”
~ Carlos Castaneda
Twelve Days of Christmas: Days 4 & 5
28 Dec 2011 8 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: coping, medication, the life of erin, twelve days of christmas
The past two days have been a bit strange for me since I’ve increased one of my antidepressants, Wellbutrin. My doctor gave me the okay to do so last week but I wanted to wait until after Christmas so any side-effects didn’t ruin my holiday. I feel a little flu-ish today and I did yesterday too, hence not posting here.
I was on this higher dosage of Wellbutrin over a year ago but cut it down after realizing its connection to my chronic headaches. Cutting my dosage down last December helped my headaches but it also increased my depression. I ended up having to quit a job that I loved and the ups and downs of therapy got to me a lot more. I considered going to the hospital more than I had for a while. So, just before Christmas I called my doctor and said that I needed to go back up to my old dosage.
Tonight’s Twelve Days of Christmas assignment is for you to practice some self-awareness by taking a look at your daily life. How has your mood been lately? What daily habits are you happy with and which would you change?
I’m going to talk more about healthy lifestyle habits as we approach the new year, but for now we can reflect on our habits of 2011. Where are you compared to this time last year? Look at your social life, your spiritual life, your work life, and your home life. What is better and what is worse?
For me, I noticed the following symptoms of my depression getting out of control lately:
- frequent feelings of hopelessness
- very depressed mood without a trigger (ie. in the morning I’d wake up feeling depressed, without say, spilling my cereal as a trigger to my mood plummeting)
- little energy and decreased desire to do anything
- feeling more isolated
- not caring about my future
More
Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 3 – I Have No Gift to Bring
26 Dec 2011 12 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: coping, death, stigma, twelve days of christmas, writing
Welcome to day three of Daisies and Bruises’ Twelve Days of Christmas! Having fun yet?!
No, I’m not really having fun yet either, but thanks for coming back nonetheless. In fact, with the exception of some puggy/puppy goodness and some freebies here and there, this blog isn’t ever going to be about fun. Plus, it’s difficult to depict depression as it truly is without depressing people so much that they don’t want to revisit my blog.
My dad commented on how “heavy” my recent post, The Saddest of the Sad, is and it got under my skin. I think my Twelve Days of Christmas is a subconscious attempt to give you something to make up for my depression. That’s pretty backwards considering that my blog is about depression! I need to own up to the fact that sad things can make people uncomfortable. I don’t think that post of mine was especially depressing. Sometimes I wonder what people think depression is if it’s not painful.
Anyway, moving on. Today’s message for you is simple: YOU ARE APPRECIATED.
I have never felt like I matter to people and lately I’ve felt so depressed that my self-talk is especially brutal:
“Any difference I make to anyone’s life is only negative.”
“I am the scum of the earth.”
“I am poison…etc etc”
When I feel the most depressed I feel like I am only depression and nothing more. Therefore I think that everyone must experience me that way too. NOT TRUE!
Today I went to my friend’s father’s visitation. I’d never met her father but today I saw evidence of what a full life he led, the people he had touched, and the lives he had changed. His family was there to honour all the goodness in his life. Yes, his death has caused a lot of pain but that pain did not deter his loved ones from celebrating the joy he brought to all while he was alive.
We are more than pain, but pain is a language we all know. While we must speak this language – and some of us must more often than others – we can still comfort each other and that makes us strong.
I believe that my presence at today’s visitation was appreciated, and I am choosing to believe now that my presence online is also appreciated. Even if I talk more about pain than I’d like to, it still makes a difference to those who speak the language. And so I’ll keep on speaking and you should too.
Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 2 – The Comedown
25 Dec 2011 2 Comments
in 12 Days of Christmas, The Big Picture Tags: coping, holidays, peace, quotes, stress, twelve days of christmas
Tonight’s contribution to Daisies and Bruises’ Twelve Days of Christmas is simple: Let’s all take a deep breath and congratulate ourselves on getting through Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Santa and presents and family is great but holidays can be STRESSFUL! Not to mention the shopping and traveling and chaos that leads up to them.
For we Canadians, tomorrow is Boxing Day, a holiday where everyone flocks to the malls for supposedly great deals on the stuff they wish they got for Christmas. It’s similar to Black Friday. Needless to say, I am avoiding malls at all costs tomorrow. Anyway, there’s still Boxing Day and New Year’s in terms of holidays in the near future but Christmas, if you celebrate it, is the big one and it’s over. Time to wind down, put our feet up, and come back to the kind of present that isn’t wrapped in a bow. Here now, this moment, this second.
“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi
