Meeting George Stroumboulopoulos: Part Two

In case you missed Meeting George Stroumboulopoulos: Part One, I was invited along to the mindyourmind interview with the Canadian radio/tv star George Stroumboulopoulos on Friday, but I almost didn’t go. I was having a bad day and felt like staying at home and hiding from the world. Instead, I just made myself go because you can’t have great experiences if you don’t leave the house. Little did I know that meeting George would exceed my expectations and be just what I needed after all.

So, around 5:00, Diana (mindyourmind staff), Oline (volunteer) and I (volunteer) piled into Diana’s car and drove to Fanshawe College to interview George at 6:00. Around 6:20 one of the set-up crew members told us we’d probably only have five minutes with George because they had to do a sound check. That was disappointing to hear and so we quickly moved the film equipment to a nearby classroom that happened to be unlocked. At least that way, even a short interview would have fewer distractions and noise in the background. I realized I left my cellphone in my coat pocket on our chairs out front so I ran to get it. On the way back I could see that George had arrived and was doing a quick interview with Rogers TV. Minutes later it was our turn.

George walked into the room with such ease that I thought he was someone from the set-up crew again. I hadn’t expected him to come in solo, but there he was, shaking our hands and repeating our names once he heard them. He actually missed my name at first and so I repeated, “Erin” and thought to myself how cool it was that he actually made sure he’d gotten my name right. He said that he could chat until it was time to go on stage!

First of all he said that he was really happy to do the interview because mental illness is present in the lives of those he cares about, and from his short descriptions I knew he spoke our language. There’s a difference between those that have learned about mental illness through media and those of us who have experienced or witnessed it firsthand.

As George began to answer the interview questions my emotions changed rapidly: curiosity turned into anticipation which turned into awe. Then I was just dumbstruck because it was like he was talking to just me. Of course he was answering Oline’s questions and looking at all of us, and the camera, but his answers were so deep and all-encompassing. He wasn’t talking about mental illness, he was talking about the human condition, and what we need to do to help ourselves and help those around us. It felt like he was speaking to just me because I have been so thirsty for advice lately. Good advice, advice that acknowledges the pain in the world while holding on to hope and encouragement.

I was supposed to be tweeting on account but I couldn’t keep up with the wisdom George shared. Every single thing he said was impressive. “I’ve never seen a surfer try to control a wave,” he said when speaking about goals and the future. When he said that people can feel so ashamed of what’s happened in their lives but it isn’t their fault my eyes welled up with tears, despite my effort to hold them back. I could see that Diana was affected the same way.

It wasn’t just that George Stroumboulopoulos was a celebrity giving an exclusive interview. Here was a man who in his short 39 years of life had interviewed everyone from Margaret Atwood to Sarah Palin to Theo Fleury and had an equal amount of compassion and respect for them all. He didn’t have one bad word to say about anyone. Oh and guess who was his favourite interview of all time? KERMIT THE FROG. Beat that!

Our friend Pete from Miko Productions filmed the interview and I will post it here once it’s finished being edited. I could go on gushing and paraphrasing George’s wisdom but I really want to you to experience it direct from the source. I guarantee you’re going to be as blown away as I am.

When the interview was over we took a picture for the mindyourmind wall of fame and I gave George a button I’d made with my business card. He was so enthused about the pin (it said “Just Follow the Music”) that he asked me to pin it on his collar so he could wear it on stage. Diana gave him her business card and he said that he wants to do everything he can to support mindyourmind because we are doing such important work.

The interview he gave onstage to the crowd of 200-odd people was great but it didn’t move me the way that the first interview had, possibly because I am not familiar with the radio/broadcasting world. He answered questions from the audience after that, giving advice and the odd hug to those who asked.

In the end I didn’t tell George the story that I’d planned on sharing. After all, I didn’t expect him to be that compassionate and encouraging; I had that story up my sleeve only to break the ice.

So what was the story? When I was seventeen I took a trip to Toronto with my friend Shawna. After paying for something at Urban Outfitters, I turned around to see George Stroumboulopoulos in line behind me. I stared, dumbstruck, as I tried to figure out where I recognized him from. It plagued me for the rest of the day. Eventually I just assumed that I knew him from the hospital, because anyone I knew that was older than me was from the hospital. I’d spent weeks on the psych ward and all the faces blurred together. So I went on thinking he was a mental patient like me until I saw him on MuchMusic as a VJ.

Shawna and I laughed about that story for a while and I’d vowed to tell George that story if I ever ran into him. As his career morphed into bigger and better things, like hosting his own talk show, I learned that he truly appreciated a great story. But when I finally did get to meet him on Friday, his understanding towards all walks of life made me understand that I don’t have to poke fun at myself to make my story count. I can’t say for sure but I doubt he’d be embarrassed if I told him I once mistook him for a mental patient like me. Maybe in response he would have just said, “Cool.”  Or else, “I’m so glad that we’re both doing better.”

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Watch to know the second I post the interview video with George, or subscribe to my blog in the sidebar if you haven’t already!

Meeting George Stroumboulopoulos: Part One

This time Friday morning I was bawling. I’d decided to try writing morning pages, after picking up Julia Cameron’s legendary book, . In short, free writing three pages every morning is supposed to clear your mind of your self-criticism and open your mind to its creative channels. So I did that yesterday, and somehow all the positive feelings I’d experienced the day before – my birthday – melted away and I found myself crying, wondering why I always seem to end up feeling like life is trying to keep me cold and alone, punished for my pain.

Fortunately, I had an appointment with my therapist at 1pm yesterday but even after talking to her for over an hour I still felt terrible. I actually felt worse than I had before I went. I was so anxious on my walk home that I took one of my ‘emergency’ prn-medication pills to calm myself down. (As a side note, my psychiatrist would be happy to hear that I actually took that medication because I tend to avoid using it. It makes me sleepy and slow-witted)

Back at my apartment, I laid on the couch and decided to text my friends at mindyourmind to tell them that I couldn’t attend that night’s interview with George Stroumboulopoulos. I felt too broken, too fucked-up and too tired to pretend that everything was okay. Before I could message them, however, I remembered how excited I was the night before when I learned that I could tag along to the interview. I’d jumped around the apartment, scaring the crap out of my dog, doing this giddy little dance.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t swoon over celebrities and I refuse to follow tabloids or watch reality tv. The only famous person I’ve ever been super excited to meet was Joyce Carol Oates. But George Stroumboulopoulos is someone I have a huge amount of respect for. He’s a Canadian icon  (and self-confessed boyfriend to all his fans) who interviews celebrities, politicians, writers, and newsmakers, by being a great listener and asking the questions that need to be asked.

So, right before I canceled my plans to stay home and cry, I thought to myself, JUST FUCKING GO. Yes, I still felt a bit loopy from my medication, yes I’d been crying all day, and yes, it was way too cold out, but I had nothing to lose. I wasn’t even going to be part of the interview, I was just going to watch. What’s the worst that could happen? I knew it was the chance of a lifetime, and I did have a story I wanted to tell George. With enough makeup I hid my puffy eyes and made my way out of the house in time to catch the latest bus to take me to mindyourmind.

Getting out of my apartment and having a place to be by a certain time got me out of  my funk. By the time I arrived at the mindyourmind office to grab a ride to the night’s venue, Fanshawe College, my sadness was starting to melt. Then I got a lovely surprise when Heather at mindyourmind introduced me to Deana, a street team volunteer that is a fan of my blog. She wanted to meet me when she heard I’d be coming in! My first fan I got to meet in real life! That alone totally made my day.

I met up with the two other women doing the interview with me, Diana and Oline. We piled into Diana’s car and headed to meet up with George.

- TO BE CONTINUED!

How to Survive the Impulse to Hurt Yourself

Hurting yourself is an individual thing. We all have ways we hurt ourselves, whether it’s overeating or smoking or driving too fast. Some methods are conscious, others are not. Obviously, hurting ourselves hurts us. Why on Earth would we choose to do something that weakens us, makes us more vulnerable, and threatens our survival?

I can’t explain it except that, for me, hurting myself has been a way to align with the world hurting me. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” kind of mentality. It also has made me feel in control of some of the hurt in my life. Actually seeing my physical pain has helped me accept the emotional pain. So it has helped on some levels, or else I never would have done it to begin with.

For a long time I embraced the urge to self-destruct, but I’ve learned the hard way what it does to my physical and emotional strength, not to mention my self-esteem.

Today I had a rough patch and I pulled through without harming myself. What works for me might not always work for you but we can’t be THAT different from one another. Here are some tips for you to try to survive the impulse to hurt yourself, especially if it involves self-harming through injury or suicide.

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Screw Shame

I’m learning a hard lesson: shame about being mentally ill is not something I can just fix and then forget about. The shame lingers, waiting for a chance to reattach itself to my back. At the blink of an eye it jumps on me, making me heavy and slow. It sticks on the bottom of my shoes like gum, willing me to stop moving forward, to stay stuck and hide instead.

Bummer. I thought I’d outgrown my shame! Me and my mental health superhero underpants that maybe don’t fit me as well as I’d hoped. Today my mom repeated to me a question she’d heard on the radio: If you knew you only had one day left to live, would you go to a nudist beach? Talk about a serious question. Maybe what I ask myself is whether or not I’d be willing to take off my mental health superhero underpants and show up on the internet nude.

Wait, that didn’t come out right.

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What I’m Learning So Far

This blog now has seventeen posts, 39 comments and 12 subscribers. It has a piece of me woven into every word, sweat in every sentence and tears in every term. In short, this blog has become my life. So far it has taught me many things, these being the top:

1. I have more friends than I thought I did

I literally shook when I sent out Facebook messages, telling friends and acquaintances alike about my blog and consequently, my struggles, which have been mainly hidden up to this point. I was terrified but I knew that I had nothing to lose. What I did not expect was the outpouring of praise I received in return. I’m flabbergasted at how many people not only are interested in this blog but are willing to go out of their way to leave me a kind message of support. Thank you!

2. It is harder to write now that I have an audience

I can now count on my fingers which people will be notified the moment I hit “publish” after finishing a post. My goal for this blog is to reach and help as many people as possible but it was easier to write when I had only a vague idea of who those people would be. I worry about my readers learning more about my mental health history and being horrified. Yet, I can’t stop now so I will keep moving forward and hope not to lose readers instead of gaining them.

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Hello, I Love You

It certainly is frightening to start something new. I’ve had private blogs for years, ones that I would only share with my closest friends, but moving to a completely public blog is a big leap for me. I’m acutely aware that everyone in my life can find my blog, whether I tell them about it or not. My parents, their friends, my ex-friends, neighbours, you name it. I’m a pretty private person; my social anxiety gets in the way of meeting people and I’m afraid that even my closest friends could be repulsed by something in me that’s too dark to share. It’s a catch-22, being self-conscious and being a writer. At least with words on a page I won’t see people’s immediate reactions and I think it will be cathartic for me to finally tear down some of my walls and risk sharing my heart with the world. Maybe it will connect me with new friends, maybe it will further my writing to the point of being published, which is my ultimate dream. Maybe this is what I truly need to do.

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