Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 1
24 Dec 2011 3 Comments
in 12 Days of Christmas Tags: 12 days of Christmas, christmas, coping, family, holidays, movies, suicide, survival
I have an assignment for you: stay tuned over the next twelve days for Daisies and Bruises’ Twelve Days of Christmas! Easy homework with lots of rewards and you don’t get graded. Cool? Cool!
I found this confetti angel in a crack on the sidewalk about a week ago. On the way to therapy I saw it as a sign that the world had gone to shit. On the way home from therapy I saw it again and realized that the sidewalk was rejoicing. There are two sides to every coin.
My first assignment for you is to try to watch It’s a Wonderful Life over the holiday break. It’s usually on tv at some point every year.
It’s an old movie in black and white, and seems quite cheesy at times, but tells the story of a man with lots to live for but feels too broken to go on. He decides to end his life but instead receives a blessing and a curse in one: He gets to view the world as if he had never been born. The places and people he knew and loved never crossed paths with him and slowly he realizes just how much he has to live for.
It’s the ultimate Christmas movie for me, because it embraces the fact that just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean that everything is magically okay. Santa doesn’t come and make it all better, but it’s small miracles every day that make this time of year special. We are told to rejoice and sometimes that’s really fucking hard to do. But if we do it, even in the smallest of ways, and count our blessings, that can be enough to hold on to so we can weather the storms in life.
So go watch and come back to my blog tomorrow night for the second post of Daisies and Bruises’ Twelve Days of Christmas!
p.s.
Mono No Aware
18 Sep 2011 5 Comments
in Hindsight Tags: books, change, mono no aware, movies, sadness, self-reflection
Mono no aware is the bittersweet realization of time passing, sometimes tinged with the feeling of it not being enough. The phrase is Japanese, sometimes symbolized in cherry blossoms because of their short blooming times. I researched the concept and its tie-in with cherry blossoms before deciding they would be part of my first tattoo. The cherry blossoms in my tattoo symbolize for me the importance of capturing the beauty of life as it’s in front of me because I know it will not last.
Lately, I seem books and movies with the theme of mono no aware are drawing my attention. I often don’t realize the theme until I finish the book or movie. I suppose that explains why I recently reread Never Let Me Go. Kazuo Ishiguro‘s work in general holds that theme and I’m slowly working through his collection of novels. Haruki Murakami‘s work is also reflective of the theme but I finished all of his books a while ago. He needs to write some more! Tonight I watched Miranda July’s latest movie, , which also embraces mono no aware.
I am finding that treating mental health can often be about self-reflection, understanding one’s story that led up to the illness. I have reflected so much on my life experiences that sometimes I feel like I’m an old woman sitting alone hanging on to old memories, aware that her life has passed her by. Sometimes I think about all the pain I’ve been through and think that I’ve reached my full potential — that this is as good as it’s ever going to get. It’s all downhill from here. Then, I have to look in the mirror and say, “Erin, you are only twenty-six! You still have your whole life ahead of you!” Then I feel even crazier for talking to myself.
Has anyone else experienced that kind of sadness about their life passing? I’m guessing that it’s somewhat universal, that we all start thinking that way once we reach our adult years. None of us are getting our childhood or our teenage years back. I’m fairly certain that those of us in therapy feel it more intensely. What do you think?
Tangible Tv Land
19 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in Day-to-Day Life Tags: fear, Law and Order: SVU, movies, PTSD, television
“You told me about the movie Outbreak when we were about eleven years old and the concept scared the shit out of me. Fifteen years later, I’m finally watching it…and it’s scaring the shit out of me!” I texted my cousin Sunday night.
“Hahaha, That’s amazing that you remember that! I can’t even remember what the movie is about :)”
“A deadly virus spread by a monkey. It has Dustin Hoffman and Kevin Spacey in it. The circa 1995 laptops in the movie scare me the most, though!”
When Cuba Gooding Junior’s character first sees a victim of the deadly virus, he throws up within his airtight antiseptic suit. It was at that moment I asked myself whether it was a good idea for me to be watching such a dark movie. After all, don’t I have a pretty cynical view of the world, one that I’m trying to change? And sure, with my social anxiety, mass amounts of people stress me out, but that doesn’t mean I want mass amounts of people to die to ease my anxiety. And who wants to think about puking in a space suit? Yuck! I did watch the whole movie, though.
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