The Wellness Formula
03 Apr 2012 8 Comments
in Diagnosis Tags: depression, doctors, formulas, goals, growth, medication, pets, physical illness, the life of erin, therapy, tips
Guess what? I still have the flu! Today is day seven of lying on the couch, taking Gravol to keep food down, and boring the pants off my puppy. Yuck!
I said to my friend S. the other day that I should be better by now. After all, isn’t this the formula for getting well?
Liquids + rest = wellness
No? Okay, how about:
Liquids + rest + Vitamin C + chicken noodle soup + flat ginger ale = wellness
Whenever I’m doing something that “should” be working but isn’t, I have this magical belief that I actually need to do something totally random to get better. Like the universe wants me to chew bubble gum while brushing my hair and listening to Radiohead. That exact combination will equal kicking this cold to the curb! Unfortunately I don’t have the energy to try every combination of activities under the sun while I’m sick.
I know that if I went to the doctor and ask her how to get well, she would say almost the same thing as my formula above:
Rest + liquids + time = wellness
Ah, yes, time. Time and patience, those slippery things. Maybe some faith doesn’t hurt either. And so as I lie here staring at the ceiling, I have to remind myself that even though I’m doing everything that I “should” be doing to get better, my body is only going to get better when it decides to. I have to let go and wait.
The same thing could be said for depression. When I was first diagnosed I was told:
Medication = mental wellness.
Well, that didn’t make me better. I tried another combination:
Medication + therapy = wellness
That wasn’t the quick fix I was looking for either. Adding time to the equation didn’t fix things either. Now, after eleven years of trying to get well, I have learned a formula that kind of works for me:
The right medication + intensive psychotherapy + routine + eating well + getting enough sleep + social time + alone time + writing + grounding myself + humour + pets + time + patience = the start of wellness
What a ridiculously long formula! And after all that, I only get the start of wellness?
Unfortunately, yes, and I could have added a lot more into that equation, too. In fact, I add new parts to it every day. Sometimes I take away pieces but usually I add them back. And to make matters even more frustrating, the formula is different for every person. It’s common for certain parts of that formula to work for other people, so much so that doctors pretty much always recommend medication, but it doesn’t mean that medication always works for everyone.
It sounds really unfair, and it is. As human beings we don’t like unpredictability. We like things to fit in neat little boxes that we can sort and pile and then put away. But even the things we can measure EXACTLY don’t always act like they are supposed to.
For example, take time. There are 365 days in a year, twenty-four hours in a day, and sixty minutes per hour. Nice measurable and neat! Think back to what you were doing a year ago. Does it feel like a whole year has gone by since then? Not for me, it feels like spring of 2011 was maybe four months ago. What about when you’re really looking forward to something? Time slows right down, so that kids waiting for Santa cannot believe how long it takes for those 24 days of December to go by. And when we’re dreading something, time seems to travel faster than ever before.
So time is measurable and immeasurable. Same with illness, both physical and mental. If I were to go to the doctor today and tell her my symptoms she’d probably say that I have the flu, but there are no blood tests or breathalyzers to confirm that diagnosis. Same for depression and many other kinds of mental illness. Medicine isn’t an exact science. Life isn’t an exact science.
Luckily for me, I was never really a math or science person. I passed those classes fine but man, were they boring! Now the arts, they overflow with unpredictability. I loved drama and English and art. Pretending and writing and painting all make my feelings more manageable without putting them in neat little boxes. In drama and English and art, there are rules, but it takes more than following those rules to create something artistic. It takes heart. It takes life. It takes unpredictability.
So, back to me beating the flu. I’m still going to keep downing liquids, resting on the couch, and taking Vitamin C but I need to add some more faith that those things still will work, but on their own time. I’ve read two books in the last week, and maybe a third will bring my wellness to the surface. Maybe I’ll try walking Digby a little bit today even though I still feel nauseous.
The beauty in the unpredictable formulas is that we get to participate in our remedy. We get to stretch our comfort zones and try what we like and try what we don’t like and by process of elimination we get closer to what we really need.
What is your formula for wellness?
Twelve Days of Christmas: Days 4 & 5
28 Dec 2011 8 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: coping, medication, the life of erin, twelve days of christmas
The past two days have been a bit strange for me since I’ve increased one of my antidepressants, Wellbutrin. My doctor gave me the okay to do so last week but I wanted to wait until after Christmas so any side-effects didn’t ruin my holiday. I feel a little flu-ish today and I did yesterday too, hence not posting here.
I was on this higher dosage of Wellbutrin over a year ago but cut it down after realizing its connection to my chronic headaches. Cutting my dosage down last December helped my headaches but it also increased my depression. I ended up having to quit a job that I loved and the ups and downs of therapy got to me a lot more. I considered going to the hospital more than I had for a while. So, just before Christmas I called my doctor and said that I needed to go back up to my old dosage.
Tonight’s Twelve Days of Christmas assignment is for you to practice some self-awareness by taking a look at your daily life. How has your mood been lately? What daily habits are you happy with and which would you change?
I’m going to talk more about healthy lifestyle habits as we approach the new year, but for now we can reflect on our habits of 2011. Where are you compared to this time last year? Look at your social life, your spiritual life, your work life, and your home life. What is better and what is worse?
For me, I noticed the following symptoms of my depression getting out of control lately:
- frequent feelings of hopelessness
- very depressed mood without a trigger (ie. in the morning I’d wake up feeling depressed, without say, spilling my cereal as a trigger to my mood plummeting)
- little energy and decreased desire to do anything
- feeling more isolated
- not caring about my future
More
The Brave New World of Medication
21 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in Medication, The Mental Health System Tags: medication, mindyourmind.ca, psychiatry
I’m not going to lie: I’m swamped in getting ready for my craft show this weekend and have not written a new post. While I hope to be a Speedy Gonzales-esque writer one of these days and write ten posts ahead of schedule, it hasn’t happened yet. Don’t be disappointed, however! Tonight you get to step into the shoes of a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. WOOO!!! No university degree required.
mindyourmindpro.ca aims at helping health care professionals help youth. They have a kick-ass blog that I’m sampling from here, a post I wrote in February on educating youth on medication. It was amazing to be able to talk to professionals in an arena where they would be open to my opinions on health care. While the post is aimed at professionals, it has a lot of good advice for people new to antidepressants. I wish I could have read such an article when I first went on medication. Click the “more” arrow below to read the article.
Meds, Part Two: Bad Emotional Reactions
14 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in Medication, Symptoms and Side-Effects Tags: antidepressants, depression, medication, tips
It was basically my worst nightmare to become suicidal from medication because after all, I was taking it to feel better, not worse. Thankfully, I didn’t have any really bad emotional effects from medication until I was well into treatment and could recognize when I was going downhill. Otherwise, it could have been fatal.
As I write this I question whether a) this will scare my new readers away or b) that this will dissuade people from trying medication at all, but this story has a happy ending so I hope you will trust me. Obviously, I urge anyone that is considering ending their life to go to the hospital. Please see my Help Section if you are feeling like hurting yourself. Also, before I go on I want to add that everyone reacts differently to medications, so even though I had bad reactions to these drugs, they could work wonders for you. I am no doctor, just a writer with her story, so work with your own doctor when figuring out meds for yourself.
So, out of the different medications I have tried, two drugs made me feel emotionally worse. The first was a complete shock to both me and my doctor because it wasn’t a new medication at all, just a different form of the same drug. I had previously been taking the generic Wellbutrin twice a day, but when I switched psychiatrists my new doctor told me that the name brand pill came in a once-a-day dosage. It was inconvenient to take it twice a day so I switched from two purple pills to one white pill and thought little of it.
More
Meds, Part One: An Overview
11 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in Medication, Symptoms and Side-Effects Tags: anxiety, depression, headache, medication, psychiatry
I am a walking cocktail of medication and have been since I was diagnosed with depression. One by one pills have been added and subtracted to balance out my brain, some making me physically sick, some making me sleepy, some making me suicidal. Why put myself though all that? I do it because the alternative is worse. After years and years of trying medications that did not help, I’ve finally found pills that help me enough to function. It would be safe to say that without my medication this blog would not exist. Neither would my apartment or my art or the fact that I can function in day-to-day life.
I take seven pills at breakfast, three pills at dinner, and four pills at bedtime. Cymbalta and Wellbutrin are antidepressants to treat depression, Seroquel is an anti-psychotic I take to help me sleep, and Xanax is a PRN (Pro Re Nata – Latin for as needed) I take once in a while for anxiety. Those are the straightforward medications and why I take them.
More