Screw Shame

I’m learning a hard lesson: shame about being mentally ill is not something I can just fix and then forget about. The shame lingers, waiting for a chance to reattach itself to my back. At the blink of an eye it jumps on me, making me heavy and slow. It sticks on the bottom of my shoes like gum, willing me to stop moving forward, to stay stuck and hide instead.

Bummer. I thought I’d outgrown my shame! Me and my mental health superhero underpants that maybe don’t fit me as well as I’d hoped. Today my mom repeated to me a question she’d heard on the radio: If you knew you only had one day left to live, would you go to a nudist beach? Talk about a serious question. Maybe what I ask myself is whether or not I’d be willing to take off my mental health superhero underpants and show up on the internet nude.

Wait, that didn’t come out right.

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5 Tips for when Depression is Kicking Your Ass

I am writing this post tonight to help myself as much as you because this has been one hell of a week. It really convinced me that these mental health superhero underpants are just not going to cut it 24/7 because writing confidently about mental illness isn’t going to change the fact that I still suffer from mental illness. And yes, I mean “suffer”, not “live with” mental illness because I am suffering and to lie to you about that would undermine everything this blog stands for.

So this shitty week is reminding me of the things I have learned to do to prevent shitty weeks from getting shittier, aka things that I messed up on this week. These are things I learned to do after eight years of refusing to believe that they make any difference to one’s mood whatsoever. They are a pain in the ass most of the time but I do notice a difference in my well being when I stop doing them. And I always seem to throw all these tips away right when I need to be sticking to them the most. BAD IDEA!!

Anyway, even if you don’t think this list applies to you, file it away in the back of your mind somewhere. The best way I have found to keep my mood tolerable is to monitor my depression and make sure I do the following.

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