These past few weeks have been hell. I cheated on my therapist by seeing another, ran smack into my childhood traumas and just about broke. I turned into this ball of incredible shame and guilt and anger. My migraines took over and I cried to my neurologist about wanting to die the pain is so bad. I also found the world’s cutest … Read More
Let’s trust that our future going to work out for the simple reason that it makes our present much easier to bear.
I haven’t wanted to be alive for a solid three months and I think, somehow, my subconscious decided that if I just stopped talking, writing, posting, sharing, leaving evidence of my existence, that would somehow erase me. Now I feel invisible on top of all those other feelings and it’s fucking intolerable. So here I am. I am not invisible. … Read More
Does it ever really make you angry that life never apologizes for being unfair? I feel so small and inconsequential in a world that is fucking out of control crazy. I have absolutely no control. I want to fix everything. I want to undo the damage. Can’t someone just take responsibility for how fucked up things are? I want … Read More
Sometimes words aren’t enough. Sometimes writing our feelings out doesn’t justify the intensity of emotion we need to convey to feel better. We need movement, we need colour, we need to scream onto the pages.
I’m okay because I have to be, not because I feel that way. I was close to crisis last week; I didn’t see a reason to go on. My self talk has been saying, “Erin, just shut the fuck up. Stay silent. Disappear. No one will miss you. No one will even notice you aren’t around. Disappearing is the only way … Read More
I feel so sad. I feel so angry. I feel so hopeless. I feel broken and alone and fucking frightened. I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel confused. I feel forgotten. I feel lonely. I feel hungry. I feel exhausted. I know the reasons behind these feelings. I could explain the reasons for the rest of my life. Some … Read More
Hi friends! I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. Things literally got so bad that I had no resources for helping anyone. My mental health took such a dive that I was really scared of hospitalization or worse but years of surviving depression has taught me that as soon as really bleak self-harming thoughts appear, it’s an immediate red … Read More
Okay, I’m back, in a way. I’ve lost hope of this blog catapulting me into the life I’ve always dreamed of as a paid writer, activist, blah blah blah. I have zero faith in the world anymore. I’m sure that you’ve guessed that my time away from my blog has been really ugly. Turning away from writing is the worst … Read More
This is an immensely difficult post for me to write. The time has come for me to say good-bye to Daisies and Bruises. The recent break in to my apartment has changed my trust in the world in a way that will take a long time to heal. As a result of that incident, I no longer have the tools I once … Read More