A SWAT Team of Butterflies to Take Your Storm Clouds Away

ErinSurvival13 Comments

I have so much to tell you! I feel stifled and so alone. I can’t focus and all I can write about is how much pain I’m in physically and emotionally, how tired I am, and how lost I feel. And just thinking about those things makes them worse. I am really really struggling. It’s time to get creative. Get … Read More

ErinA SWAT Team of Butterflies to Take Your Storm Clouds Away

When Someone You Love Decides to Die from Suicide

ErinSurvival18 Comments

Someone in my extended family died by suicide ten days ago. I’m really really upset. I loved this family member very very much, but I couldn’t afford the $1000 plane ticket to go to his funeral. I feel so guilty for not being physically there to pay my respects. To grieve. And I feel so guilty because I thought I was this … Read More

ErinWhen Someone You Love Decides to Die from Suicide

Hope in Fighting Depression

ErinSurvival, The Big Picture14 Comments

I have a cool story for you about surviving my depression: A few days before Jackie arrived from HealthiNation to film me, I bustled around London, Ontario full of energy and excitement. I ran errands, cleaned my apartment, made crafts, and generally felt fantastic. On the walk home from my closest bus stop, I thought to myself, “This feels awesome! … Read More

ErinHope in Fighting Depression

Suicide: A Follow Up to Yesterday’s Post

ErinSurvival2 Comments

I want to follow up on yesterday’s post, Suicide Brings No Relief to Anyone, because I wrote it with a lot of emotion. Even twelve years after my friend Darlene’s suicide, I still feel angry, scared, guilty, and perplexed by her choice to end her life. I also want to acknowledge that when someone is suicidal, they most often aren’t … Read More

ErinSuicide: A Follow Up to Yesterday’s Post

Suicide Brings No Relief to Anyone

ErinSurvival10 Comments

**This post may be triggering because I talk openly about suicide. Visit my Help page for resources to help you or a loved one who is experiencing suicidal feelings.** Twelve years ago today my friend Darlene committed suicide. It was violent and horrible. I knew she was suicidal that night, but she had always taken herself to the hospital when … Read More

ErinSuicide Brings No Relief to Anyone

Little Matchstick Girl

ErinSurvival7 Comments

Sometimes I write an upbeat blog post, not because that’s how I feel all the time, but because it’s how I feel for a moment. For a moment, the other day, I thought, “Hell yes, I’m rocking my unhappiness!” And then later, when I inevitably feel weak again, I can go back to my blog and read up on how … Read More

ErinLittle Matchstick Girl

Suicide vs. The World

ErinSurvival7 Comments

The insight from my recent descent into suicidal thinking makes realize all that my self-destructive gestures try to communicate: I don’t want to die as much as fix things as efficiently as possible. For example, when I’m overwhelmed I tend to want to hit some sort of “reset” button, where my life is too fucked up to fix and I … Read More

ErinSuicide vs. The World

How to Say “No” To Someone in Crisis

ErinSurvival6 Comments

I miss you. Ever since my encounter in early January, my confidence is much weaker. I don’t feel like myself, and since writing is a big part of who I am, it suffers too. I wish that everyone could always provoke a positive helpful response from others when reaching out for help. Reaching out for help is SO hard to … Read More

ErinHow to Say “No” To Someone in Crisis

Human Hibernation

ErinDay-to-Day Life, Survival15 Comments

Winter naturally makes us want to curl up at home in front of the fire. Unless you’re into winter sports, it is easy to get depressed indoors as it gets all cold and dark outside. Here’s what I’ve found to help me with the winter blues this year: 1. Stay Warm! My building uses gas heating and my apartment seems … Read More

ErinHuman Hibernation

How to Have a Good Cry & Cover it Up (If You Need to)

ErinSurvival8 Comments

Lately I’ve experimented with revealing my tear-stained face to friends and family as a way of being honest about my feelings. If people see that I’ve been crying, that tells a lot about my current state. But what if you don’t want people to know that you’ve been crying? What if the fear of people knowing you were crying keeps … Read More

ErinHow to Have a Good Cry & Cover it Up (If You Need to)