I’ve had the most ridiculous day. I was out of coffee this morning; I messed up the scheduling for two appointments; my little sister pranked me, telling me we were having a last minute extended family lunch and I totally fell for it; and then I had a giant crying spell around 4pm, for the fourth day in a row. Then I fell asleep for a good hour, waking up with a sore neck.
Now, I need to go to the grocery store to buy coffee before it closes so that I don’t screw up tomorrow from the get-go. But after my whole one hour cry plus a big nap, now I look as high as a kite because my eyes are completely bloodshot.
Remember my whole How to Cry and Cover it Up (If You Need to) post? Well, those makeup tips at the end are a little iffy – sometimes fixing your makeup after you cried it all off just makes everything look worse. It makes me look like a clown who cried and then tried to fixed her face paint.
Here’s the extra funny part: after three sets of eye drops – which are probably going to make my eyes dry up and fall out because they sure didn’t help – my eyes are still BRIGHT RED. Then what do I do? I fucking stab myself in the eye with my mascara wand. So now my left eye is even redder than before, making me look like a stoned person with pink eye.
If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, right? So I better laugh here because I start crying again I’m entirely fucked. Except laughing too hard might make my eyes run. DAMMIT.
Anyway, things have been pretty shitty lately and it’s kept me from posting. Sometimes when things are bad I can’t think of a positive spin to put on things, and I get really hard on myself and I can’t write a thing.
But tonight I’m cutting myself some slack. It’s April Fool’s day today and I’ve planned this part of the post for months:
Every night before bed I check on my blog stats for the day. WordPress shows me how people found my blog through search terms. Sometimes people Google the most random stuff and find Daisies and Bruises, which is so awesome and hilarious. I keep a list of the search terms that make me laugh the most. Here’s a sample of the best from the past year or so.
“Free printable narwhal christmas gift tags”
“Wearing a diaper”
“Poetry background with hammy”
“Squirrel pictures to print for free”
“A big picture of a big daisie”
“Horror shower curtain London Ontario”
“No one understands me but me dog bells”
“What is Lisbeth’s secret”
“Where do daisies get their energy from”
“Fight or flight pooping”
Some of those do make sense, but they still make me laugh. Remember when I explained the phenomenon of having to poop when you’re stressed out? Only on Daisies and Bruises, folks. ;)
Okay, so come back tomorrow because I’m going to write a more serious post about one amazing smart phone app that you need to download.
For now, since I can’t stop rambling about silly stuff, I’ll admit that I’m off to bed with the $4 sheep I got at the grocery store. His name is Maddy, short for Madonna, because he has a mole.
Life is too shitty sometimes to stay serious. Laughing makes life better. Comment with something to make us laugh!