Feeling Terrible: The Link between Physical and Mental Health

ErinUncategorized20 Comments

Hi friends!

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. Things literally got so bad that I had no resources for helping anyone. My mental health took such a dive that I was really scared of hospitalization or worse but years of surviving depression has taught me that as soon as really bleak self-harming thoughts appear, it’s an immediate red flag for me to start taking better care of myself.

In the past months I’ve completely lost my appetite, I can’t taste a thing, and my stomach feels like a fireball 24/7. I’ve been living off bananas and bread and yogurt and ginger tea and the random junk food binge (as a way to get some kind of flavour). I’m always exhausted.

The other day I just felt like I literally couldn’t live any longer and after a good pep talk from my therapist about taking better/any care of myself I went and bought some multivitamins and protein shakes. Needless to say, my energy levels became a lot better and that boosted my mental state. Now I feel like I have some ability to reach out into the world a little again and blog!

Just in case you missed that lesson, however, FOOD IS NECESSARY FOR COPING WELL. Food is literal energy and when you have no energy you simply can’t feel okay at all. I’m not saying a balanced diet is going to fix all your problems but man, it freaking helps more than we realize. When you go without something for a while, you can get so used to it being gone that you can forget what it’s like to have it until you get it back. Nutrition = better functioning Erin and a better functioning you. I promise!

Even with a little more energy though, I feel so discouraged. I can’t believe what a massive toll my physical health has done to my mental health in the last three years.  I’m just scrambling to hold my body together. It’s so hard to not be depressed when you’re physically sick all the time. I’m so tired of it.

I’m really losing hope but my therapist says that there’s still time for everything I want, I just need to hold on.

I may not know a lot about your individual struggles but I believe there’s hope for you too. Even if you can’t see beyond just surviving until tomorrow, that’s enough. All we have to do is stay alive and keep fighting for something better. It will come.

The only way it absolutely won’t get any better is if we give up. Suicide is not an option. If you have suicidal thoughts creep into your mind, it’s a big warning to yourself that you need to be nicer to you in any/every way you can. Talk your way through it. Tell other people you need support. Take a multivitamin, have a glass of water, take care of yourself physically and the mental part will follow.

We’re going to get through this!

Love Erin


ErinFeeling Terrible: The Link between Physical and Mental Health

20 Comments on “Feeling Terrible: The Link between Physical and Mental Health”

  1. Juli

    It’s so good to hear from you again! Thank you for reminding those who read this blog to take care of ourselves not only mentally but also physically. Life has been a struggle, but doing what we can to make it better helps exponentially. Take care.

  2. deidre barrett

    There is hope for us all. I doubt a lot things but I do not doubt that we are survivors and even more than that, we are luminaries. Thank you for being in this journey with us and shining light into darkness.

  3. Wendy Love

    Glad to hear you are starting to come out of the other side of this black tunnel. I know how hard it is to separate the mental from the physical, impossible really. Good for you to be willing to try something new. ‘Taking care of ourselves’ is great advice for anyone, mentally ill or not. I do get tired of ‘taking care of myself’, I grieve over other things I would rather do but can’t do because I have to put all of my energy into ‘taking care of myself’. But it’s a fair trade and if I do the work, I can feel half decent. Oh I still can’t do all of those other things that I imagine everyone else is doing but still, feeling decent is so much more wonderful than feeling wretched….why it is even wonderful!

  4. Linda

    I just discovered you today and wanted to say THANK YOU for this post. I needed to hear what you had to say. Keep on keepin on. 🌻

  5. Rainandrainbows

    Thank you for posting, in one way or another i feel less lonely knowing that im not alone in all this. Friends/relatives say they understand but they dont.

  6. Maggie

    I just found your blog tonight for the first time, and I immediately fell in love. You are so brave and are saying all of the things I am feeling right now in my life, and I needed to hear these words… I went through and read the posts and before/after *leaving for an undetermined amount of time. I wish I knew the date you posted this, too… I just started following you on IG, I’ll try to send you some love over there. Please post again soon!!! <3

  7. ryan

    Hi yes i am feeling so bad about not haveing a job and thw fact my love of my life is useing drugs and wont stop amd dont look like she ever going to i know shes a good person and can do so mich better with her self and woth me as well i only go along becouse i dont want to lose her and make things bad between us cuz if that happens then theres bo telling on whats going to happen to jer let alone me if we break up i realy think i will ✔ out and not want to live this was my last time trying at lofe and i have much to offer but if this dont work out then i will end everything

  8. alyssa

    sometimes I feel so alone and I don’t know who to turn to even the people around me who care about me and love me sometimes are no help my depression becomes so bad that I don’t see the reason for living anymore but everyday is its own struggle and there is no way I will beat it unless I fight back I just need someone who knows what it feels like to be alone and actually knows how to deal with it because someone should never feel that way ever.

  9. Haxwell

    Bizarre, there was an Erin posting to alt.suicide.holiday back in the early 2000s who had been diagnosed with PTSD and other similarities. She’d be nearly 60 if she wasn’t taken by the darkness.

    I think a lot of suicidal people have extreme empathy and concern for others, but sadly don’t leave any love left for ourselves. Erin, you sound like a wonderful person for this world to have, you may be surrounded by the darkness, but your words have shined a little light into mine this morning, I hope knowing this reflects a little back.
    Wednesday I almost accidentally died testing my exit bag and yesterday I injured myself in a cruel way. I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow, but today… *gets up and does a little happy dance* I hope that made you smile even if you couldn’t see it.

  10. J

    I am not (currently) depressed but I do empathise, and just wanted to send a note of continued affection, respect, support, and company in heart. I am glad you are here. Really _deeply_ glad.

  11. Anne

    I have had refractory depression for 15 years, but was functioning in the workplace prior to this. (M.S.W.) This has nothing to do with your post, but I wanted to add something for discussion. I think of “suicide” every day and have not had any relief from this. I have 2 daughters, and they are the reason I am alive. The term “suicide” is very negative and when someone dies this way it should be “died from mental illness.” (died from heart disease). I’d like to replace the word “suicide” with something else………………Because of my depression being basically untreatable (for 50 yrs.), I have little belief in change for me. I have learned to go through the motions each day. It is an excruciating existence.

  12. Harlock

    Hey I just found your blog, it’s amazing and I think what you are doing is SO brave! Thank you Erin

  13. Awa

    I hope you are alright. I feel like you are writing words that are in my head, and expressing what I cannot. How do you handle it? I am currently finding that all my old go to comforters just are not doing the trick anymore. xx

  14. A

    That was amazing! beautiful. I’ve just seen your page and you’re writing is incredible. I guess dieting isn’t great but, soemtimes its hard especially when you’ve lost control in other aspects of you’re life. Keep up the hard work and you will get there!

  15. Smilefinder

    Glad you remembered to eat! Self neglect is slow self harm…

    I like this line – “All we have to do is stay alive and keep fighting for something better. It will come.”

    For many, and hopefully MOST of us, something better HAS come – from the place we were that helped create the condition we are in/suffering from today.

    I try to reflect on that – the long road I’ve traveled since the environment from where I developed the traits that have helped cause the depression, PTSD, etc. that I struggle to rise above daily.

    And for those who’ve been yet unable to shed their immediate circumstances, just please know that nothing lasts forever. You will become stronger, more able to deal, etc.

    2016 has been a tough year for a lot of us in a lot of ways – here’s to 2017, one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be and yes, one healthy bite at a time!

    Great post – great advice! Balance those meals. Cut back on sugar/carbs. Increase fresh veggies and fruits. Be well!

  16. Hopeforsanity

    I hear you on this one.
    I know it’s an old post. But so much struggling with this link between balancing physical and mental health and related side effects from both.
    Thinking of you.

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