I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. Things literally got so bad that I had no resources for helping anyone. My mental health took such a dive that I was really scared of hospitalization or worse but years of surviving depression has taught me that as soon as really bleak self-harming thoughts appear, it’s an immediate red flag for me to start taking better care of myself.
In the past months I’ve completely lost my appetite, I can’t taste a thing, and my stomach feels like a fireball 24/7. I’ve been living off bananas and bread and yogurt and ginger tea and the random junk food binge (as a way to get some kind of flavour). I’m always exhausted.
The other day I just felt like I literally couldn’t live any longer and after a good pep talk from my therapist about taking better/any care of myself I went and bought some multivitamins and protein shakes. Needless to say, my energy levels became a lot better and that boosted my mental state. Now I feel like I have some ability to reach out into the world a little again and blog!
Just in case you missed that lesson, however, FOOD IS NECESSARY FOR COPING WELL. Food is literal energy and when you have no energy you simply can’t feel okay at all. I’m not saying a balanced diet is going to fix all your problems but man, it freaking helps more than we realize. When you go without something for a while, you can get so used to it being gone that you can forget what it’s like to have it until you get it back. Nutrition = better functioning Erin and a better functioning you. I promise!
Even with a little more energy though, I feel so discouraged. I can’t believe what a massive toll my physical health has done to my mental health in the last three years. I’m just scrambling to hold my body together. It’s so hard to not be depressed when you’re physically sick all the time. I’m so tired of it.
I’m really losing hope but my therapist says that there’s still time for everything I want, I just need to hold on.
I may not know a lot about your individual struggles but I believe there’s hope for you too. Even if you can’t see beyond just surviving until tomorrow, that’s enough. All we have to do is stay alive and keep fighting for something better. It will come.
The only way it absolutely won’t get any better is if we give up. Suicide is not an option. If you have suicidal thoughts creep into your mind, it’s a big warning to yourself that you need to be nicer to you in any/every way you can. Talk your way through it. Tell other people you need support. Take a multivitamin, have a glass of water, take care of yourself physically and the mental part will follow.
We’re going to get through this!