Silence Is Still Strength

ErinMedication13 Comments

Silence Is Still StrengthWhen we are silent, we are still strong. Even when we feel like a cup not even half-empty, but tipped over, spilled across the floor, kicked, stepped on, cracked and forever broken, we’re still strong.

You have a track record of making it through every single day up to today. No matter what choices you made, what mistakes happened, what shit was thrown your way, you’re still here. That counts in a way that nothing else compares to.

After my last post, Antidepressant Withdrawal Hell, I reached my limit of tolerating my body’s symptoms. I’d lost feeling in my arms, words were getting mixed up in my head, and I felt like I was being hit by lightning constantly. I curled up on the couch and cried for days. I couldn’t go on.

Feeling like a failure, I decided to increase my Cymbalta back to the dosage I’d been at. Doing that made things worse, at first. It’s been two weeks since I went back to my previous Cymbalta dosage and I’m still in withdrawal. Full-body aches, 24/7, nausea, shaking, oh my God. The pharmacist said it’s extremely rare for anyone to be as sensitive to medication as I am.

It’s taken all my energy just to keep breathing. My symptoms are turning around, very very slowly. At this rate, in another two weeks, I’ll feel more or less normal again, withdrawal wise. That’s okay. However long it takes, I can do this. It may be slow, it may hurt like hell, but I will survive. I have a great track record. One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

I have a lot to share with you about this but I’m not ready to yet. I have to get through these symptoms to be able to think well enough again to have any insight on what I’ve learned in the past month and a half.

If you feel spilled and broken and so mixed up you can’t even talk about what you’re going through, it doesn’t mean you’re not strong. It means it’s taking all your strength just to hold on, and holding on is the most important job we have. No matter what, you are winning this battle.

LoveErin

ErinSilence Is Still Strength

13 Comments on “Silence Is Still Strength”

  1. Kinnery

    thank you for this important message <3 tomorrow my goal is to beat my record for longest streak of days lived! woohoo!

  2. Heather

    “The pharmacist said it’s extremely rare for anyone to be as sensitive to medication as I am.”

    I think pharmacists and doctors need to start asking their patients what symptoms they are having with their medications because I have had so many doctors say similar things to me, and yet, when I talk to my friends, while none of them have as many problems with sensitivities as I do, many of them have had the same sort of symptoms and reactions to drugs which doctors swear up and down that nobody else has ever had.

    Anyways, I am so sorry you are having the problems you are…*hugs*

  3. Mercy

    Oh wow, I’m sorry you are going through all of that. I just really hope it gets better soon. And yes, I believe you are very strong

  4. Brittany

    “If you feel spilled and broken and so mixed up you can’t even talk about what you’re going through, it doesn’t mean you’re not strong. It means it’s taking all your strength just to hold on, and holding on is the most important job we have. No matter what, you are winning this battle.”

    THANK YOU.

  5. Julie

    Please know that this is inspiring — I know it hurts like hell, but I also know you can do it. I just want you to know that I appreciate that you are sharing this, pain and all. Thank you.

  6. Donna Hairston

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. Many don’t understand the pain and roller coaster symptoms these meds cause. I hope you feel better soon. You got this!

  7. J

    Well done for holding on, Erin! Thank you for such dignity and honesty and perseverance. Btw, I love your latest instagram picture too — I’d forgotten care bears, but your picture and caption bring it back …!

  8. Riku

    Hey Erin! I’m working on a new solution for people living with depression. Right now, I’m trying to get an in-depth understanding of current treatments, what could be done better and what are the needs of people like you. If you’d be interested in helping out you can reach me at: lindholm.riku@gmail.com:)

  9. Tammy Rhoades-Baldwin

    Have you looked into TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation)? I was on medications for over 20 years when I found out about this non-invasive treatment two years ago. I’ve been through two full rounds in the last two years, and am now on maintenance, going once every other week for 40 minutes. It has been a life saver for me and I wish more people knew about it. My insurance even covered it…it is very expensive, but for people who have tried antidepressants without much luck it often works. I’m going to write an e-book about my experience and will share it with you when it’s finished, but for now you might look it up and see if it’s offered in your area. I was able to stop taking all but one of my medications, and now I take it at a much lower dose.

  10. Misa

    Thank you very much for this. I needed to read it today. I keep kicking myself that I am not strong enough. I am kicking myself for the pain which I feel everyday. I have to stop. It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this pain. I didn’t ask for darkness. I have to stop and remember – I am holding on! You are holding on!
    We are not fine but we will be okay! x

  11. Jo

    Hi! I also did a doctor-ordered two week weaning off of Cymbalta and experienced the hell of symptoms you describe. My doctor thought it was fine, but in speaking to other doctors and psych professionals since then, they told me that I absolutely should have done it more gradually (and been warned about those side effects). So, just wanted you to know that you are not at all alone in that experience. And it basically ruined half of my summer last year. Not a small thing!

    Anyway, I hope you’re feeling somewhat better now…

  12. Rick

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