A SWAT Team of Butterflies to Take Your Storm Clouds Away

ErinSurvival13 Comments

Swat Team ButterfliesI have so much to tell you! I feel stifled and so alone. I can’t focus and all I can write about is how much pain I’m in physically and emotionally, how tired I am, and how lost I feel. And just thinking about those things makes them worse. I am really really struggling.

It’s time to get creative. Get REALLY creative.

I’ve just decided to give myself permission to have imperfect blog posts for the rest of the month with a FREE PASS against self-judgement, worry, and negative self-talk. Any time I catch myself beating myself up with mean thoughts, I’m going to imagine a giant stop sign. Maybe it will flash bright red. Alarms will go off!  A SWAT team of tiny butterflies will come in and take my storm clouds away.

Maybe you’re having a shitty summer too. Okay, so let’s make the rest of the August less shitty together. Here’s your assignment: imagine an alarm system that will go off if you beat yourself up with mean thoughts about yourself. Borrow my butterfly SWAT team idea if you want.

Now, every time your SWAT team comes in, head on over to YouTube and search “the best of _____,” filling the blank in with your favourite movie or tv character of all time. Watch at least one video of clips extending past five minutes. I’m going to watch Adventure Time: Best of Jake the Dog. Then I’m going to watch The Best of Doug the Pug.

If you don’t have a favourite movie or tv character you can think of, search for a video of your favourite animal. Don’t stop watching videos of that animal until you feel better.

Thank you for sticking with me as I struggle and get quiet sometimes. There are some really big and exciting changes coming up for Daisies and Bruises! I just need to start feeling a little better, a little bit more like myself, and then we’re going to create some serious positive changes for ourselves.

In the meantime, small blog posts like this with creative instructions will continue! Now go watch your favourite characters and animals on YouTube! If you get in trouble at work, blame it on me! :D

I love you and never stop thinking about you and this blog, even when I’m at rock rock bottom. The good thing about rock bottom is that it leaves you nowhere to go but up!


ErinA SWAT Team of Butterflies to Take Your Storm Clouds Away

13 Comments on “A SWAT Team of Butterflies to Take Your Storm Clouds Away”

  1. Amy

    Thanks, great idea! I’m thinking “The Best of Little House on the Prairie” may be in my future.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  2. Lee

    Fantastic post! I struggle with negative talk and self-hate and love this idea! Here’s to both of us have a positive August!

  3. Ella Olive

    Hi Erin 3 months ago I had to end a 3 and a half year, on and of, relationship due to its impact on my mental health, the next day I ordered 5 of your zines, by the time they got from Canada to Australia I was dating my housemate who I had been falling for, for sometime. He showed me parts of myself I had forgot I liked but was ultimately just as damaged as my ex (my type of lost and broken attraction) he and I had a month together before he went traveling, he’s been gone 2 months now and last night I finally had the courage to send him my re-drafted poem, message confessing that altho I love him I have to end our thing due to his addictions. I maintain friendship with both he and my ex however I feel so heavily the weight of loving beautiful people who are unwell and unhealthy only because they are struggling, just as I am. Felling overwhelmed as I was last night I considered burning myself, or self medicating with weed or valium however I decided to re-read your zines instead, they helped and I wanted to let you know that. Thank you, Ella <3

  4. Simen

    Awesome! I use the same technique with the alarming giant stop sign whenever I start having depressing and mean thoughts about myself :)

  5. Kimberly

    I stumbled across your blog last week. I can relate to a lot of your posts. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. It makes me feel less alone.

  6. Helen

    Hi Erin,
    I’m sorry to read that life is a struggle for you at the moment. Do know that when I’m wobbling (like tonight) I look on your blog. You get it. You give me something to hold on to. I know I’m not the only one that will feel that way. I’m only sorry that your ‘doing it’ tough at the moment. You’ve got great ideas. My head is a bit mince at the moment and empty. I’m liking the idea regarding YouTube. It’s a good thing to do while the clouds pass over. Just got to think of “The best……….”?
    Sending thoughts of pugs on clouds playing harps to you (?).
    Helen x

    1. Erin

      Hi Helen,

      Oh my goodness, pugs on clouds playing harps is the best visual ever! I think I might be happy for the rest of my life now! In all seriousness, though, I’m sorry to hear about your wobbling but I am glad to hear that you’re holding on. You aren’t alone! :)


  7. C A Landers

    I feels so sad that things are awful for you right now. I hope you feel alright again soon. My mum is always telling me that we have to make time to just feel happy, that its not procrastinating or wasting time, but rather looking after ourselves. I love the SWAT team of butterflies. Going to go youtube myself some puppies.

  8. John

    Depression just has to be dealt with. It is a struggle. Often loneliness finds its ways. The best thing is to help another’s persons day by a nice hello and conversation.

  9. Laura

    Hey Erin. So I’ve been struggling with severe depression which has recently forced me to drop out of college and move back in with my parents; a tough pill to swallow. However, I’m on the road to recovery. I was on the hunt for some reading material online that might help inspire me, and I stumbled across your blog. I can’t stop reading. I’m so overjoyed that I found you. Thank you so much.

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