I’ve received a few generous donations in response to my last post. THANK YOU.
With the money you donated, I can now buy groceries for April. This is no small feat. THANK YOU.
I feel your unconditional support and it gives me comfort. The experience of asking you for help has taught me that I need to work more mindfully.
I’m stopping writing about money. It feels wrong. It feels too vulnerable. Too personal.
If I decide money is something that needs to go along with this blog, I need to run ads. I need to promote my Etsy shop listings at the bottom of each post. Ask for money in the ways that other bloggers do.
From now on, any promotional work I do with this blog in mind, like videos, guest writing for other blogs, and sharing my story in other ways, needs to be paid work. The unpaid work I’ve done recently has left me feeling too vulnerable and weakened.
The “donate” button will remain on my sidebar. If you want to donate to this blog and my survival at any time, it will be greatly appreciated. I will accept your help.
I won’t, however, let myself be a charity. Funding my life is my job, not yours.
And quite honestly, when I add up how much money I think I may need to eat properly, buy running shoes, pay my bills, just survive, it scares the living hell out of me. If I think about how much money I need to build a future I break down crying and crying.
I realize that every adult person in this world needs to budget for their future. I’m no different. I just need to take baby steps or my brain is going to keep exploding and leaving me even more incapacitated with migraines.
And yes, after all the tears, I think about what else I could do. I’ve been seriously considering doing crowd-funding in the sense of Kickstarter, Patreon, etc., but before dedicating myself to a money-raising platform, I want to be sure I have the time and energy required to run it. I want to be able to commit 100% before I ask people to commit 100% to me.
So, my last post was me asking for what I can right now. Maybe it was too ambitious. Maybe it wasn’t ambitious enough. Maybe I’m chickening out. Maybe I’m being strong.
I am just learning. I’m only human.
So this is me being that caterpillar building a cocoon, asking What the Fuck Am I Doing. And the answer is, I don’t know. I’m building something, but building sometimes requires taking stock and ripping parts down and starting over.
We’ll see what shape it takes on from here.