Exactly what happens on a real life, real person blog: Emotion. Real life. Daisies and Bruises.
On Monday I posted asking for help from you. Two days later, I am full to the brim with negative self-talk that emotion spills onto my blog: GUILT.
So this morning I posted, “Nevermind, I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I’m sorry!”
Lady, make up your mind!!
But this is real. This is my life. I’m changing and here’s what I forgot this morning: Change takes practice.
It’s really uncomfortable at first because we aren’t used to it. The other day I said that with some money I would buy new running shoes. Yes, they sound great to me and I really want them, but the first day I wear them they may feel different because they are different.
I will have to break them in.
Change takes getting used to.
We tend to make up our minds to change our lives for the better and hurray! Life is going to be good now because we’ve decided to CHANGE. All those bad days, well, they’ll never happen again because we believe in miracles!
The next day though, those miracles from the night before feel a little flimsy. We don’t feel so sure of ourselves. So we fall into the habit of beating ourselves up because we’re so used to it.
The power lies in recognizing our resistance. Catching ourselves falling into old habits. And being realistic. Nothing truly real in this life changes overnight.
Looking back on my two posts this week, I’m going to give myself some bonus points for not deleting Help is Hope: Support this Blog. I had two whole days of letting myself feel vulnerable before I tried to apologize with Creating My Financial Cocoon Safely.
I’m going to let myself exist with both the positive post and the negative post, because they reflect the high and low points of this crazy thing we call living.
And to get my pride back, just a little more?
Here’s a picture of me being happy. Like really really happy. It didn’t last for long but dammit, it was there. Look, I captured happiness!
My sister took this two months ago. I asked her to. It was the middle of the night, I had a bad headache, it was fucking fifty degrees below zero, but I’d braved the cold to be with Alison. As I bundled up to trek the few blocks back to my apartment, I looked in her mirror I realized that I looked exactly like my dog.
Have I ever told you how rich I truly am?
Just look what I have.
And in creating the pic at the top for this post, I realized that Digby and I are exactly heart shaped. Now I get to go make a locket! Beat that!