This blog now has seventeen posts, 39 comments and 12 subscribers. It has a piece of me woven into every word, sweat in every sentence and tears in every term. In short, this blog has become my life. So far it has taught me many things, these being the top:
1. I have more friends than I thought I did
I literally shook when I sent out Facebook messages, telling friends and acquaintances alike about my blog and consequently, my struggles, which have been mainly hidden up to this point. I was terrified but I knew that I had nothing to lose. What I did not expect was the outpouring of praise I received in return. I’m flabbergasted at how many people not only are interested in this blog but are willing to go out of their way to leave me a kind message of support. Thank you!
2. It is harder to write now that I have an audience
I can now count on my fingers which people will be notified the moment I hit “publish” after finishing a post. My goal for this blog is to reach and help as many people as possible but it was easier to write when I had only a vague idea of who those people would be. I worry about my readers learning more about my mental health history and being horrified. Yet, I can’t stop now so I will keep moving forward and hope not to lose readers instead of gaining them.
3. There will always be someone who is going to tell me that I’m wrong or who is going to try to correct me
I need to find a balance so that I can grow from constructive criticism while still trusting my own voice and ideas which is pretty hard for me to do in the first place. Along the same vein, there will always be comments that I won’t agree with. For example, someone told me that this blog is evidence that I am “flourishing.” Flourishing would be never getting depressed in the first place. Flourishing would be being able to keep a job and my sanity simultaneously. I am only building a garden here out of scrap parts in a junk yard. It may look pretty but it’s so far from a real garden that it hurts to think about too much.
4. My writing still needs improvement
I feel like my writing has actually improved in the past three weeks but it still has a long way to go. It’s great that having this blog forces me to put my mind and fingers to work at little harder than usual. I also need to push my subject matter a bit farther and write about things just outside of my comfort zone.
Overall, I’m really pleased with how this blog is doing so far and I have some exciting entries up my sleeve for the coming weeks. Stay tuned. :D
Jul 08, 2011 @ 20:42:31
I ♥ you so much! And I have so many mixed feelings when folks use the word ‘flourishing’ to describe me. It’s nice to think about, but it’s often more like the outer appearance of me that is supposedly flourishing, while my brain is still a ludicrous mess. Kinda like when someone says, “You seem to be doing okay,” and it’s like, “That’s because I’m not telling you the ten million things that are going wrong right now.”
Jul 09, 2011 @ 10:50:56
exactly! thank you :)
Jul 08, 2011 @ 21:30:16
yeah, or like “You look great these days!”….aka you looked like a fuckin’ mess earlier. Honestly, I’m glad I have some friends who are straight up “You’re not as crazy as you were, are you?” and “You got faaaaat.” It’s funny, and I’m incapable of lying as well.
“I am only building a garden here out of scrap parts in a junk yard. ”
…can’t tell if metaphor or real life project. Please clarify.
Jul 09, 2011 @ 10:51:33
metaphor! mind you, making a garden out of relatively safe junk yard parts would be fun!
Jul 09, 2011 @ 09:24:14
i’m looking forward to everything you have to say! and writing gets better the more you do it!
i love that you are so willing to put yourself out there. and the thing is with this kind of forum, you never know actually how many people you touch in a day- how many lives you save. even if you never got another comment, you have to trust and believe that what you are doing is an immense help to the world.
thank you, erin.
:)
xo