It certainly is frightening to start something new. I’ve had private blogs for years, ones that I would only share with my closest friends, but moving to a completely public blog is a big leap for me. I’m acutely aware that everyone in my life can find my blog, whether I tell them about it or not. My parents, their friends, my ex-friends, neighbours, you name it. I’m a pretty private person; my social anxiety gets in the way of meeting people and I’m afraid that even my closest friends could be repulsed by something in me that’s too dark to share. It’s a catch-22, being self-conscious and being a writer. At least with words on a page I won’t see people’s immediate reactions and I think it will be cathartic for me to finally tear down some of my walls and risk sharing my heart with the world. Maybe it will connect me with new friends, maybe it will further my writing to the point of being published, which is my ultimate dream. Maybe this is what I truly need to do.
I have a few personal goals for this blog. Firstly, I don’t want to glamourize mental illness. I want to tell it like it is but not trigger anyone. While I promise not to write any details about my self harm, suicide attempts, etc, I will mention them from time to time in the way that I have here. Please be sure to stay safe while reading my blog. If you need immediate help, please see my “Help” page linked in my header. I have a lot of experience with mental illness but I am not a professional and I recommend seeking out a professional for you to deal with your own struggles. Lastly, I promise to believe in my writing, believe in my readers, and believe that I am heading in the right direction through sharing my experiences. I’m excited to embark on this adventure with you. :)
So why does a blog on such an ugly topic look so whimsical and artistic? Why “THE ART OF LIVING WITH DEPRESSION”? I chose this theme because art is one of the biggest factors in what keeps me going despite everything. One day my cousin, who had known about my depression and isolation but had never talked to me about it, asked to see my room. I opened the door to my soft yellow bedroom and she was speechless when she saw how I’d covered every inch of my walls in art. Her wordless reaction made me realize that perhaps I had a bit more to share than darkness. Perhaps I could spread some beauty in the world, too.
A clumsy video of my room at the time.
What special thing do you do that you take for granted or overlook? Think about it! What was the last compliment you received that truly surprised you? You’re good at more than you know.